Jude Sunday July 22, 2012

To read the hand written letter click here.

Sunday 22 July, 2012

Dear Ella-Louise,

I have gone to start this letter to you numerous times and each time I falter. The blankness of the page mocks me, asking me if I am to confess my sin and admit my guilt. The lack of a response from you suggests you are suffering too.

Each time I think about what happened during the week of the reunion, the guilt swallows me whole.

I don’t know where this leaves us. I don’t even know what I think about what happened. I want to talk about it, but I hold myself back because to write it down is to confess it, to admit my guilt.

I want to confront what happened between us, to acknowledge what it was, or is, and find a solution. Perhaps just being able to write this is in itself some sort of beginning.

From the day you arrived in Piper’s for the school reunion until the day you returned to Coranderk, the past and the present collided in a way I was not expecting, but wanted to happen.

And now I am left with another set of questions, or perhaps a set of answers whose questions were asked too many years ago.

You left Piper’s Reach like you did twenty years ago except this time I was ashamed to be there when you left. Although this time you had a real reason to leave, and I don’t blame you for doing so.

I know it was my actions that forced you away for a second time. To ask for your forgiveness would be selfish act on my part.

I will write again in a day or two as right now I have to stop myself. I would go round in circles if I kept going. I will talk about what happened. Soon.

always and ever

Jude

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